Bad burger, Good burger

When I first arrived in Singapore two years ago, I had a major Asian food phobia. I was terrified to try anything from local restaurants and food shops. I blame the fact that most of the food either had a head still attached and looking at me, or at the very least, bones or shells to clog my esophagus. (Unless it's fried chicken, Americans don't do bones in our dinner.)

So one of the first foods I tried in Singapore was as American as it comes: a burger. I got it at the most American sounding place I could find too: New York, New York.

And it was the most disappointing American thing that I have ever eaten. I've never been so sad to be away from Midwestern cows.

I don't know why it is, but the Australian ones just aren't as delicious. (Sorry Aussie cows.) There's a weird flavor to the meat that I just couldn't get past.

I steered clear of burgers for a long time after that. Two whole years, in fact.

Then, Aaron brought me home lunch one day. (Which was incredibly sweet since it was a surprise.)

But it was one of those weird Singaporean burgers.

This one was even weirder than the first. See that there? That's white mystery meat again! The same crap they tried to put on my pizza a few months ago. What's even worse is that after I took a bite, I still couldn't decipher whether it was chicken, turkey or pork.

It was that bad.

I just threw it away. I couldn't even make myself eat it.

After that experience, I told my American friend at work about my sadness over eating bad burgers here.

And he knew of a cure:

Hello Carl's Jr.! I forgot all about you! Silly me.

And you have a Guacamole Bacon burger?! Sign me up!

See that kids? That's American beef, baby. And it's delicious.

So the quest for decent burgers ended at an American fast food restaurant. Not perfect, but compared to the competition, a distant number one.

On a side note, I haven't tried the burgers at Chili's, TGI Fridays or the soon-to-open Applebee's yet. I bet they're good; I'm just a little scared to see what the Singaporean prices are for a hunk of beef on a bun at these places.

Apple pie, improvised

One of the first things I ever learned how to bake was an apple pie. Yes, I know it's stereotypical. The American girl bakes apple pies. Big surprise.

But anyways. That's what I first learned to make.

Here's me at age four, first learning to make an apple pie in my Grandma Jackie's kitchen.

(Did you notice that my 4-year-old self already knew the importance of costume jewelry when baking? It's all about the details.)

I've always loved apple pie. It's tangy, sweet, buttery and gooey. It's even better with ice cream on top.

Fast forward to the year 2010. I'm craving apple pie, but I live in Singapore.

Problem.

The first and last time we bought apples here, they were smaller than my fist and already rotten in the center. They also made us buy five because that was the special. In Singapore you only buy what the special says. You cannot buy two or three if the special says "Five for $5". You buy five. Trust me. They get really confused at the register and call their manager over. You must buy five if the sign says five.

So basically, we had five nasty apples and a headache from trying to explain our desire to only purchase three apples.

This was so something I never wanted to deal with again.

But I wanted apple pie. So it's a good thing that Aaron's grandma sent us this stuff.

It also worked out that I had a pie crust mix that desperately needed to be used as well. We're in "Operation Clean Out our Pantry" mode and things like that are better to be used than packed and shipped back to Kansas where they may sit in storage for weeks and weeks.

So I mixed the crust mix with water, rolled it out, filled it with the pie filling and baked it.

Ta-da! Apple pie in Singapore. It wasn't perfect, but it was apple pie.

And sometimes that's all you need it to be.

Success.

No Thank Queue

This arrived in my Singapore mailbox today:

It made me laugh out loud, right there at the mailbox.

"Long Queues mean Great Deals". That's the exact opposite of what my American brain thinks.

(Oh and for the Americans just joining us, a queue is the British word for "line", as in waiting in line).

In my own American terms, it means "Wait two hours in line to pay the same price or much more than what you'd pay back home for your Christmas gifts."

It's not their fault though. Singapore is a smooshed country. It's the second most populated country behind Monaco. Lines and queues are inevitable. Even if they put seven outlets of the same store in a mall, there'd still be a line. There's just too many people on the island.

As an American, we're brought up in a world where lines indicate that an establishment or employee isn't doing their job. Customer satisfaction is the first priority and having a customer wait more than five minutes to give you his or her money is just unheard of. Why should you have to be inconvenienced to give a certain store business? You could take your money elsewhere and not wait in line.

At least that's the American line of thinking.

So when I see that a mall is boasting about their long queues, I immediately take note to not go there and order online instead.

I'm sorry, I'm a spoiled American brat who has better things to do than wait in a line.

And I like it that way.

Holiday Tipping Etiquette

Many of us spend more time than usual at restaurants during the holiday season. Whether it be for a work gathering, a break from shopping or simply avoiding another long day of cooking for out of town relatives, it seems more of us seem to seek refuge in a building under a neon sign with a kitchen full of cooks.

But let's not lose our heads in all the Holiday twinkly lights and glitter.

(This post won't seem extremely relevant to the Singaporean readers out there, but it may provide some insight into the world of American restaurants should you find yourself visiting anytime in the next ten years.)

In Singapore, tipping isn't quite the standard practice that it is in the States. Here, a ten percent gratuity charge is added to every bill. In most cases, that gratuity is then given to the establishment who then divides it evenly among the servers. (This is what was told to us by a local server, if you are a server in a restaurant that doesn't do this, please share!) The point being, tipping isn't the big deal it is in the States. The waiter or waitress is not expecting you to lay down 20% when you leave the table.

However, this is an entirely different ballgame in the States.

My husband and I were both servers in college. We've experienced this under appreciated job first hand. I even worked at four different establishments as I moved around the place during my studies.

It is hard work. It is stressful work. It is mind numbingly aggravating work at times too.

And people are rude.

I made a lot of friends with my coworkers over the years and I heard just about every one of them say at some point, "It should be a law that you must have worked as a server before you're allowed to go to a restaurant."

Servers are the lowest paid workers in the United States according to their base pay. Servers make a measly $2.13 an hour (at least this was the case when I was a server). The Federal minimum wage is $7.25 an hour. Yeah, big difference.

So when you go into a restaurant with your three friends, order water and an appetizer to share, we hate you. Your bill will usually only be about $12 and you'll leave us about $2. So that hour or 45 minutes that we refilled your waters, delivered your food and cleared your plates only earned us less than five bucks.

Now I'm not saying that you should have to order things you don't want or needlessly overtip, but do keep in mind that the people busting their butt to keep you happy for one measly meal are also trying to buy presents for their nieces, cousins, brothers and so on.

I think there's a lot of things about the restaurant industry that people don't know. That's why when I ran across this article on Reader'sDigest.com, I really wanted to post it to the blog. I think a lot of people are clueless as to what really goes on and what goes through the minds of the people at the local Applebee's or Chili's.

So in addition to the list of 30 waiter secrets listed in the above article, Aaron and I have come up with an additional five.

5 Things Restaurant Diners Should Always Remember

5. You are not the only person in the restaurant that your waiter or waitress is tending to. Most servers have between 4 and 5 tables that they are serving at any given time. If all of those tables are full, that's approximately 18-25 people in his or her section. Not only are they fulfulling the request of each of these people including your own, they probably are having to do other remedial tasks such as make salads, drinks and run other people's food. So when you wonder why your cup of ranch dressing doesn't magically appear in 30 seconds, it isn't because he or she is a crappy server. To avoid this, try ordering your dressing with your food if you require extra. That way the server can make a note of it on the computer and someone else can bring it out with your food.

4. The nicer you are to your server, the more time they will focus directly on you. If you make an effort to make small talk, learn his or her name or genuinely act like a nice human being, your server will more than make it up to you. Your food will come out faster, with less errors and have any special requests met to a "T". Just by doing those simple things, you will then stick out in his or her mind, thus making your server want to make you have the best meal of your life. You'd be surprised just how many people are naturally rude. A simple kind word will do wonders in a restaurant.

3. Yeah, the tips can be great. If you're good at your job, you can make a killing in tips. This is what most people think happens to every server. However, most of us only have a great night about one or two days a week (and that's only if we get the good sections). On the other days, servers work long hours with few tables and a lot of crappy sidework. They have to do stuff like rolling silverware, refilling salad dressing containers, dusting table ledges, windexing windows and restocking cups. The majority of this work is done when the server has zero tables. That means they do this work for their measly $2.13. So really, when you figure it all together, the couple hundred they made on the weekend just made up for the $30 they made for working 10 hours the previous Tuesday.

2. We're not your babysitter or your kid's maid. One time when I was working in a pizza restaurant, a huge family came in with 15 children under the age of 10. Once the adults got situated with their beers and conversation, they allowed all of their children to proceed in a restaurant-wide game of hide and seek. While we were trying to serve other customers, these children were running around, hiding under tables and almost knocking people over. Not only were the other customers pissed, but some people almost got hurt. The parents then got irritated with us when we told their children to stop. Seriously, that happened. Also, when you forget your baby's toys to keep him occupied, it is never OK to let your baby play with the sugar caddy and rip open every packet of sugar onto the table for us to clean up later.

1. Fifteen percent is a crappy tip. No joking. Also, 10% is an embarassing tip (unless your server was the worst you've ever had). For good to decent service, 20% is the standard. For excellent service, 25 to 30% is great. Servers work hard to make sure that one meal in your lifetime is perfect. If it's not, they stress about it, freak out on people and yell at cooks. They're the one batting for you and the ones who will beg the manager to comp your meal just to appease you. It's a shameless job. Reward them for it. They'll remember you the next time you come in and automatically work even harder to keep you happy.

*Amendment* We forgot one very important thing.

1a. NEVER go to a restaurant that closes within 30 minutes. The cooks are trying to close down the grill. The servers are tired and trying to clean up the place to get out of there at a decent hour. When you walk in at 15 minutes till close, you anger the entire restaurant. Ever wonder if you've eaten someone's saliva in your food? If you've broken this rule, chances are, you have. Seriously, don't do this. You're better off at McDonald's 24 hr drivethru.

So when you are beyond cranky from the crowds of other cranky shoppers, don't take it out on the person serving you your lunch. Their job isn't as easy as it looks and they've probably had a far worse day than you. They have to deal with jerks everyday, not just during the holidays.

On top of that, you should NEVER mess with the people that touch your food.

Have you seen the movie Waiting? There wouldn't be a movie about it if it wasn't true.

5 Days of 5 Thanksies: Day Five

From the time I was a rebellious teenager, I'd been planning my escape from Kansas. I was sure that there were much more interesting places to live. I was NOT going to spend my life in somewhere as boring as Kansas.

Then, I did move away. I moved probably about as far away as I could physically go. I moved to the opposite side of the globe.

For that I'm extremely thankful...but not in the way you'd think.

You see, it took me moving this far away to realize that that boring little place called Kansas is exactly where I belong. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to spit that I got to have this amazing experience. I'm just a Kansas girl at heart. It's were I'm supposed to be.

So my last list of thanksies are the things that make me thankful to be from the State of Kansas.

5 Thanksies of a Kansas Gal

5. Barbeque. Kansas City is the one of the BBQ capitals of the world and I had no idea how much I loved it and took it for granted until I came over here.

You just can't beat the combination of smokiness, caramelized sugar and tang that the Kansas City people do. It's unmatchable.


4. Going to the lake.

This is Aaron's gorgeous sister Jessica and I on their boat at Lake Perry. Our family absolutely loves trips to the lake. Usually, we just go to Lake Perry, but occasionally some of us may make the trip down to the Ozarks for a long weekend. It doesn't matter which lake it is. There just needs to be water and some brews in a cooler. It's the best way to spend a hot day in July.


3. Being a Jayhawk.
Long before I attended the University of Kansas, I was a jayhawk. My dad taught me the Rock Chalk Chant as soon as I could speak. During the Big Twelve tournament every year, he'd let us skip school one day and go watch the team practice at Kemper Arena. He took me to my first basketball game in Allen Fieldhouse when I was a junior in high school. When most girls were crushing on Jonathan Taylor Thomas, I was crushing on Ryan Robertson, Scott Pollard and Jacque Vaughn. I was a jayhawk long before I was officially a jayhawk. It's a great university, an awesome fan community and glorious basketball team. (We just won't talk about the football team this year.)

2. Wide open spaces.

This is the view from my in-laws' back door. I love it. In the fall, the trees are beyond pretty. Just a few years ago, I hated the huge expanses of nothingness. To me, it just meant that I was missing out on all of the things that people in big cities enjoyed. Now that I've lived in one of the most densely populated countries in the world, the nothingness seems very appealing.

1. These people.

This is my family. Of course, this photo is a bit outdated. I think that's my 5th grade self standing in the back there. I love these people. We're also super close. Since this picture was taken, we've added five spouses, five babies and have two more on the way. They are the main strings pulling at my heart to come back to Kansas. I'm a very lucky girl to have them. I'm also a very lucky girl to be a part of another wonderful family that belongs to my husband. If I had a picture of all of them together, it'd be on here too. I miss them all like crazy.


So after this whole Singapore thing is said and done, I'm going back to Kansas.

I'll bring Aaron with me too. :)

5 Days of 5 Thanksies: Day Four

It's finally Thanksgiving day. I've been hoarding food for this day for weeks in fear that certain ingredients will not be stocked for today.

So now we can eat, eat some more and then take a nap.

For Aaron and me, this was a busy day. We cooked from 8am until 2pm. Our kitchen was scorching hot by the time we finished (Most Singaporean kitchens do not have air conditioning, ours is one of those).

So since we were missing about 60 of our relatives, our thanksie list for today is going to focus on what we were did have with us today.

5 Thanksies for Thanksgiving Day in Singapore

5. Pumpkin pie.
I could only find the large, double-sized cans of pumpkin puree here in Singapore so I had to make two pies. It's ok. That just means two times the fun. BUT, the frozen pie crusts I found were way too small for the recipe. Therefore I overfilled the pies to keep from having to throw out a whole pie's worth of filling. (That's why they look a lil' burnt and strange.) Oh well, Thanksgiving cannot be Thanksgiving without pumpkin pie and Cool Whip.

4. Turkey.
We were lucky to get turkeys at the Navy Exchange for fairly cheap. Out in town they're selling 10 pound turkeys for S$43. Yeah, that's so not happening at our house. We don't pay that much for turkey. However, if there were a turkey famine on Thanksgiving, I might cave. My absolute favorite thing about the actual holiday is having the entire house smell like roasted turkey. It reminds me of when I was a kid and waking up to the smell of turkey on Thanksgiving. I'd always hurry downstairs and hover over the stove until it was time to carve it. My dad would let me "assist" him in this carving process, which really meant that I could stand there and he'd give me small pieces of turkey when my mom wasn't looking. He's a good dad like that.

3. Homemade dinner rolls.
After finding out that the only dinner rolls they had in the grocery store near our house were either vanilla flavored or filled with beans and corn, I took matters into my own hands. The Pioneer Woman has a wonderful recipe for dinner rolls that looked easy enough for me to do alone. It took me a bit to do, but it was so worth it. They are delicious. Plus, homemade dinner rolls also make your house smell amazing. I may make these periodically just to make my house smell like that again.

2. Hungarian wine.
My big brother and his adorable wife from Hungary gave us this bottle of wine the last time we went home for a visit. They got it when they visited her parents two summers ago. We've been saving it for a special occasion and picked today as the day. It was deliciously sweet and the perfect treat for our Thanksgiving lunch/dinner. Thank you Mat and Imola!

1. This guy right here.
My biggest thanksie of the day is my husband Aaron. He's the funniest, sweetest, most interesting person I know. He's my favorite person in the whole world and the one that I'm thrilled to pieces to be attached to for the rest of my Thanksgivings. I thank God everyday that he's my husband. I'm such a lucky girl.


Happy Thankgiving to all of the Americans out there. I hope your Turkey Day was as delicious and great as ours was.

5 Days of 5 Thanksies: Day Three

Until I lived thousands of miles away from home, I never put much thought into the products and services that I use on a daily basis. Most of the time, I didn't ever do or use the same thing for longer than a month. I was constantly trying out new things and checking out the latest and greatest of everything that I could afford.

Fast forward to May 2008.

And take away everything that I've ever used to get ready in the morning, everything that I've ever watched on TV and my dear sweet junker of a car.

Add in a heavy dose of heat and humidity, a TV that plays shows that are at least three years old, and a transportation system consisting of walking, riding, standing, squeezing and shoving.

That's the recipe of a life that I was faced with when I stepped off the plane.

It was way more difficult than I anticipated. I mean really, how often do you think about things like the kind of hairspray that you use? Or the kind of makeup that you wear? Or the fact that you won't be able to find any of it again in a store for 2-3 years?

I sure didn't before. But I sure do now.

My thanksie list today consists of all of the products that I cannot live without in Singapore. And I mean CANNOT live without.

5 Thanksies for 5 Amazing Products for Expats in SG

5. Bags. I'm talking totes, reusable grocery bags, duffel bags, laundry bags, shopping bags, canvas bags and backpacks. Any kind of bag that is made is on my list. I've never appreciated a bag so much in my life. As a resident in Singapore without a car, a bag is a must. I don't have that luxurious hunk of metal and plastic to house all of my stuff, like I did back in the States. I have to carry everything I need for that entire day with me all the way to where ever I'm going. After a while, I even converted my laptop bag into an extra large purse just to be able to carry everything I need. It's now falling apart from over usage. I need a new, bigger and better bag. Seriously, I'm obsessed with bags now. I couldn't have cared less as a Kansas resident.

4. Too Faced Shadow Insurance. Singapore melts many things. It melts ice cream on the walk home from the store. It melts a chocolate bar left in a laptop bag at a picnic. It also melts makeup in a way that I was not prepared for, especially eye makeup. You see, I've always had very dry skin and never even understood what people were talking about when they said that their makeup kept "sliding" off. I'd never experienced such a phenomenon. Well Singapore sure taught me that lesson. Makeup simply will not stay on my face here for an entire day. The humidity and heat slick it right off before noon. That is until I found Shadow Insurance at Sephora. I just put a dap of this stuff on my eyelids before I put on eyeshadow and it's like magic. The makeup will NOT move until I take it off with soap and water. It even stays on overnight if I forget to wash my face. It's amazing and worth every penny.

3. PHYTO's Phytodefrisant Hair Relaxing Balm. If the humidity here can do such mean things to makeup, you can't only imagine what it will do to hair. Phytodefrisant is like an imaginary shield to this steamy climate. Without it, my hair turns into a giant red afro that resembles a clown wig. With it, my 'do lays almost as if the humidity did not exist. Almost. This stuff is awesome and the best weapon against the weather that I've found. Occasionally I can find it in John Little, a Singaporean department store, but more often than not, I have to order it from Amazon.com or Drugstore.com.

2. Slingbox. A Slingbox is a magical little box that enables you to connect to your home's cable connection from anywhere in the world via an internet connection. In simpler terms, it means that we can watch television being broadcast from Kansas all the way in Singapore on our computer. When you get a Slingbox, you can also watch your cable TV from your phone, laptop or international location as long as you are connected to the internet and have the proper software installed. I heart it a lot. Singaporean TV isn't horrible, but it isn't good either. They show a lot of American shows, but they are usually a few years old. So when we need a good TV fix, we just hop on the computer and catch up on our favorite shows as they're being aired from Kansas.

1. Skype. Hands down, best invention ever for people who travel or live abroad. With Skype, we can make calls to anywhere in the world with our computer. We can call landline phones, cell phones and other computers that have Skype installed on them. We've even set up our account with a local Kansas City phone number so that people can call our computer from any phone without being charged a long distance rate. AND! If we ever miss a call, we've set it up to transfer to our Singapore home phone so that we can take a message. It's been a real life saver. Before we discovered Skype, Aaron and I were spending about $50-60 a month in calling cards. It sucked. Now, we only pay $5 a month and that's solely just to have our local number. The Skype service alone is free. It's made living so far away a lot easier.

Without all of these products, living in Singapore would be ten times harder for the kids from Kansas.

Oh and should probably add one more thanksie: I'm thankful to Amazon.com and Drugstore.com for always shipping us our goodies.

(P.S. As I've said before, no one pays me to say nice things about their company. I say them if the company is deserving. So everything above is my real, honest, true to goodness opinion.)

Mmmmm....Toasty

I'm probably going to get hate mail for this, but I don't care.

We went to Quiznos on Wednesday. Yes, I'm aware that it has nothing to do with my Asian experience.


And I enjoyed every bite of it anyway.

This Quiznos is at the new-ish Orchard Central mall.

It's right next to the Carhatt store. How's that for a slap of home? It was like a shot of tequila to my homesickness.

The menu is a tad shortened, but we've grown accustomed to American things being scaled down in Asia.

Everything looked very much the same as the shops in the States, right down to the pepper bar.

Aaron got the Zesty Grill Steak. I got the Smokey Chili Turkey --only because they don't carry the Chicken Carbonara. Otherwise, I'd never cheat on the Carbonara (hold the mushrooms).

It was honestly the best sub sandwich I've had in Singapore. I ate every single crumb.

I'm not kidding. I scooped every bread flake up with my fork. It looked like I hadn't eaten in days by the way I was hoovering this thing down.

Best part of all? The pepper bar had banana peppers. Singapore is experiencing a serious banana pepper drought. I think I ate 15 on my sandwich alone just to compensate for the lack in my diet.

Then just to top off our Singapore American experience, we picked up our own trash and threw it away.

Just like they do in the States.

Ka--chow!

The Thanksgiving Song

Because we just bought our last Thanksgiving turkey abroad...

Because I love Adam Sandler...

Because everyone here skips Thanksgiving and goes right into Christmas...

Because I really needed some American festivities.

American MSG meet Asian MSG

This is MSG.

The one on the left was bought in the United States. The one on the right was bought in Singapore.

There is a lot of controversy surrounding this food additive and I'll be honest and say that I never really paid that much attention...

Until I moved to Asia.

Ever since we moved to Singapore, I get frequent headaches that seem to come out of nowhere. It's not because I don't drink enough water and it's not because I'm outside in the heat. I get them while typing at my desk in my air conditioned office while drinking a liter of water. I also get them while riding on the MRT in the middle of the day. I could not find a common link to solve the headache puzzle.

After months of this, someone told me that it's probably all of the MSG I'm eating in the food over here.

Interesting.

Like every paranoid American, I hopped on the Internet to Google it.

There, I found this website called MSGtruth.org. It's full of information about what it is, why it's used, what it does to your body and what it could potentially do. It was enough to make me uneasy.

Here's some snippets:

• MSG tricks your tongue into making you think a certain food is high in protein and thus nutritious. It is not a "meat tenderizer". It is not a "preservative". The food industry is trying to confuse the issue by focusing on the "fifth" taste sense they call umami. Free glutamic acid is detected by the taste buds as a simple way to signal the presence of protein in a food, just as there are fat receptors to detect fats and receptors that sense carbohydrate or sweet flavors. The purpose is to help us discern real food from inedible matter. It changes your perception of not simply taste but the nutritious qualities of what you put into your mouth. However, and here is the main problem with free glutamic acid - It is the very same neurotransmitter that your brain and many organs including your ears, eyes, nervous system and pancreas in your body use to initiate certain processes in your body.

• MSG stimulates the pancreas to produce insulin. So many diets these days are concerned about the Glycemic Index of foods and yet none of them address the fact that MSG and free glutamic acid stimulate the pancreas to release insulin when there doesn't even have to be carbohydrates in the food for that insulin to act on. The food industry has found their own "anti-appetite suppressant". It's a convenient way to keep consumers coming back for more. The blood sugar drops because of the insulin flood. And you are hungry an hour later. Sound familiar?

Um yeah. Everytime I eat Chinese food, I want a friggin' Big Mac like an hour later. I always thought it was the rice that did it.

But seriously, food shouldn't make you feel that way. Food is supposed to be filling. It's supposed to satisfy hunger, not antagonize it!

So after all this research is when I decided to search our cabinets and found the container of Accent. I had no idea that it was straight MSG. That makes me feel really good about all of those dinners of canned green beans that we douse in chemicals.

Aaron and I didn't stop the search there though. We rummaged through our entire pantry. You know what we found?

ALL OF OUR FAVORITE FOODS HAVE MSG.

Every bottle of Ranch dressing. Every package of Jalapeno Ranch Chips. Every granule of Parmesan cheese. Every Dorito chip. Every container of Lawry's Seasoning Salt.

It was one of the saddest and most guilt-ridden days of my life.

That is when it dawned on me.

I've been eating these MSG laced foods my ENTIRE life. Nothing bad has happened to me yet (that I know of). How can they prove that MSG is the thing making my head hurt?

I lived on Doritos and Ranch dressing for the entirety of high school. I don't ever remember getting a head ache. (A stomach ache and huge love handles is what I should've had. Yet, those gems did finally arrive later.)

So I think I'm over it. I do still think that they put a lot more MSG in Chinese-style foods and I am going to make a conscious effort to not to eat those as much. But really, it'd be near impossible to avoid it all the time.

Plus, I really like Ranch dressing too much to let it go.

USA Today, I'm disappointed in you

Dear USA Today,

I just wanted to give you a pat on the back and say thanks for proving that people in the US aren't self-absorbed idiots with little regard for the rest of the world...like so many people in the rest of the world already believe.

I refer to this article here.

I'm guessing that since it was on the Idol Chatter page, that one of your high school interns probably wrote it. That could be the only logical explanation for your lack of editing or fact checking.

Referring to Singapore as a city in Malaysia not only makes your paper look ridiculously idiotic, but it also proves the care in which you take in reporting factual information. Whether it be about entertainment issues or not. Don't you have a map or better yet, access to Google?

The people here in Singapore that saw that article were more than a little peeved. It'd be like calling Lawrence a town in Missouri or Columbia a place in Kansas. (This is just to put it in perspective for my jayhawkers out there.)

So thanks for making the Americans look stupid again. We've needed a lot more help since Bush left office.

Sincerely,

The American girl in Singapore

**UPDATE - The article has been edited to properly show that Singapore is not in Malaysia. So if you're going there to see what they messed up, you won't see it now. Thanks USA Today for correcting your error. I'm still a lil mad at you though.

A Cloudy Sunday in 3D

What's more adorable than a husband in nerdy 3D glasses at a Sunday afternoon showing of the latest children's movie?

Ok, maybe a lot of other things. To me though, this picture is just precious.

I took it when we went to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs in 3D last Sunday.

Yes. We're the goofy 20-somethings that go to kids movies without a kid with us.

If we were home, we'd totally snag a niece or nephew to make it look like we're babysitting, but that wouldn't really be the case. It's just an excuse to go to a kiddie movie. (Animated motion pictures that is, none of this Hannah Montana or Daddy Daycare crap.)

So.....we'd been planning to go see this movie pretty far in advance. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs by Judi Barrett was one of Aaron's and my favorite books as a child. I remember reading it over and over and over to anyone who would listen. When we saw the movie poster for this one, we got overly excited.

We went to the Cathay theatre in AMK Hub to watch it. I love this theatre. It's very possibly my all-time fave. It's never too crowded. The people are always extremely nice and have wonderful customer service skills. They never give us a hard time or ask us for a FIN or passport number. Numerous theatres have almost refused us tickets that we've already purchased because we had not memorized this magic little number.

AMK does not hassle the hoff. For that alone, I love them.

Also, they don't freeze the place out. Most movie theatres in Singapore as so cold that we come armed with jackets and hoodies. By the end of most movies, I cannot feel my toes.

Not lovely AMK. My toes were toasty throughout all of the flying meatballs and pancakes.

It was a perfect Sunday evening out for two very homesick Kansans.

Heels and Talons

It's not that I don't love high heels.

I wear them religiously in countries that require less walking than Singapore, but that's not my beef with these. It's just that th....

Wait, a minute.

Hold the phone.

Is that a? Oh wait yes. It definitely is.

Check out the length of that toenail.

She better watch out or she's gonna pop the back tire with that thing. I bet it could even be considered as a deadly weapon. Look at it! It could totally cut someone's Achilles tendon.

Yet, this is not the first or second or third time I've seen heels paired with something uber casual and eagle talon toenails.

Women here love love love their heels. So much so that they often don't even care if they coordinate with the outfit's style or color.

Pajama pants? Let's wear the four inch stilettos! Grubby t-shirt and shorts? Put on the red sequined heels! Athletic pants and a sports bra? Platforms all the way baby.

While I appreciate a cute pair of shoes, I'm not digging the whole idea of "dressy on the bottom, casual on the top". It's like fashion's equivalent of a mullet.

Then come the toenails (that are usually sticking out of the above mentioned heels). I'm sorry, I know this is a cultural difference, but it just absolutely freaks me out. Some of the toenails here are longer than most fingernails I've seen.

So I have some questions.

How do you wear normal shoes?

Don't you hurt people when you walk too fast behind them?

Haven't you cut someone with those before?

Those cover the basics of the questions I have. I'm sure I'll have more later. Now I have to go trim my toenails because I just feel "eewy" after seeing that much toenail.

The Walking Game

Ok, I'm just going to warn you, this post is mainly meant for other expats in Singapore. Probably more so the expats of the American variety too.

So don't go all "Ang Mohs know nothing" on me here. I'm just sharing an observation. Put the guns away people.

When Aaron and I arrived in Singapore, we sort of developed a fear of leaving the house. Unless it was absolutely necessary, we would plant ourselves in the flat and lock the door. No unnecessary trips period. Necessary, meaning only if we were starving, bleeding or not breathing. Otherwise, it was a no go.

Why were we so weird?

See there's this thing that we Americans are so very used to and have come to love more than cheeseburgers and french fries.

It's called this: three feet of personal space.

I'm guessing it's more of an American thing because no one here seems to have an issue with it like we do.

Every time we walked amongst the natives, we were constantly being bumped into, walked into and downright shoved out of the way.

It was psychologically tiring.

So we just avoided the natives. And scavenged the pantry for food until the last tiny crumb could be found.

Then, my dear husband found a solution.

He created what we call the "walking game". The walking game is easy. All you do is stare blankly ahead of you and make sure to NEVER make eye contact with anyone.

Magically, people dodge out of your way.

I'm fairly sure they're all thinking "What the hell? Those crazy white people aren't even watching where they're going!"

But I don't care.

Because you're not shoving my purse off my shoulder as you push your way into my path.

Now we're trying to think of a game for the grocery store for when those people step in front of you while you're reading product labels and completely block what you're trying to do.

I think I may just start dropping cans on their feet. Then they might catch the drift.

Too harsh? Ok, I'll keep thinking.

Let's Turn the Tables...of Food

I'm turning the tables on myself today. Because I'm always talking about the weird food I find in Asia, I decided that I needed to take a step back and look at my own culture.

I know I've already blogged about how Singaporeans find American food boring, but I wanted to dig a lil' deeper. There must be food that they find downright disgusting. I mean, even I can't stomach liver and onions or stuffed mushrooms.

I wanted to know their take on what American foods just sound downright nasty.

So I asked one of the Singaporean girls at work, who just came back from a trip to the States, to tell me what American foods sound gross to her.

Some of her responses surprised me and some didn't. Here's four of them:

1) Peanut butter and celery.

For my Singaporean friend, the thought of pairing the sweet taste of peanut butter and a vegetable just grossed her out. She also couldn't understand peanut butter and apples, peanut butter and chocolate and well, just about anything paired with peanut butter.

"You Americans put peanut butter on everything! It's everywhere! You even have peanut butter milkshakes!"

Oh my dear Singaporean friend, that's because it's delicious. Peanut butter makes anything instantly better.

2) Biscuits and Gravy




This dish literally took me 15 minutes to describe to her. She just couldn't wrap her head around it. To her, a biscuit is a cookie. Looking back, I probably should have described it as a plain scone, but oh well. I think the kicker for her was gravy as a topping. In Singapore, gravy is usually mixed in with the rest of the dish and it's also usually spicy or sweet. Definitely not creamy, milky and full of sausage chunks. Gravy is definitely not served on mashed potatoes on this part of the world. I don't even think they have mashed potatoes here. Hmmm. Never thought about that.

3) Cold pizza for breakfast

Now I realize that this could just be a weird college kid thing. Or even a weird Megan thing. But I just love cold pizza for breakfast. I like it better than hot pizza fresh out of the oven. Call me crazy, but I know at least 25 other people who do too.

My Singaporean friend does not. She turned up her nose as far as she could when I let this revelation slip out. She also does not understand my pizza and ranch dressing addiction. She and the other ladies were pretty confused the day I dipped my microwave pizza into a pool of ranch. It was kind of funny at the time. I thought one of them was going to have a heart attack.



4) Chips as a side dish.

When I bring my lunch to work, I often times will bring a sandwich and a bag of chips (American style chips, not British chips, which are really French fries.) The girls found this very confusing. In Singapore, chips are strictly a snack food item. They're not typically served as a side dish for lunch. It's a snack and that's it. They thought I was such a weirdo for confusing my food categories.

That's all she told me for now. She's going to think up more later (probably as I bring stuff in that confuses her.)

I must admit, I loved this conversation. It was so interesting to see how our culture is viewed from different eyes. If you're not an American and find one of our foods or customs weird, please send me a comment. I'd love to hear it.

Just please be nice about it. Some of you have been a little irritable lately. :)

I Want My Baby Back...Ribs

I had a bout of homesickness this weekend.

I get those every once and again. Every time they strike, I try to surround myself in as much America as I can and hope that I can trick my brain into thinking that I'm there.

It usually doesn't work, but I'll keep trying.

So on Saturday, we went to the new Chili's restaurant in Tanglin Mall.

Chili's was a good friend of mine in college. We procrastinated a lot together over El Nino Margaritas. Have you tried one yet?

You should. They're delish.

But if you're an amateur, only have one. They'll knock you on your butt and make you forget all about the paper you have to write for Western Civ.

Not that I know from experience.....Dad.

Back to Chili's in Singapore.

Here's Aaron with our free chips and salsa coupon.



And me with the baby back ribs sign.



Why is it impossible for any man to go to Chili's and not sing the "Baby Back Ribs" song from Austin Powers?

Argh! I had to listen to it all through dinner.

In case you've forgotten it, I've added it to the end of this post. I apologize ahead of time for getting it stuck in your head too. I just can't suffer alone. :)

Dinner on the other hand, was great. No, we didn't have baby back ribs. What we did have tasted and looked just like what we get at home. Same quality, same presentation, same applewood smoked bacon. We all know how I feel about bacon.

The only thing that looked different than the Chili's at home was the bill.

Yikes!

It made my bank account hurt. It also made me wish I was at a hawker. With a huge plate of $2 pineapple rice.

I guess that's one way to get me over the homesickness.

Austin Powers - Fat Bastard Baby Back Ribs.MP3 - Austin Powers

That's Not Milk

There are two things a girl from Kansas knows better than most things: quality beef and delicious, fresh milk.

It's farm country afterall. Most of this stuff is in our back yard...or just down the road a lil' ways.

We know fresh.

We know cows.

The other day, Singapore tried to pull a fast one on this Kansas girl.

It tricked her into thinking she was buying milk.

It looks like milk, right? Don't let it fool you too. It was a horrible, awful lie. A lie that I didn't realize until it was all over my Honey Nut Cheerios.

A sad, sad day.

It was as if I'd just poured coffee creamer into my innocent cereal. My milk-loving heart broke into a million pieces with the first bite.

Then I flipped the carton around to see just what on Earth I'd put into my body.

Do you see that?! Milk solids?! The main ingredient is milk solids!

That just ain't right. (See, I was so upset, it brought out the "Kansas" in me.)

Not only that, but they've added flavoring. Since when does plain milk need flavoring? I thought it did just fine on its own.

Oh no no. It made me so sad.

I should have known better. It's made in Singapore. I don't see many cows 'round these parts.

I miss you, you beautiful Kansas cows. Come visit soon...and bring me some milk.

No one ever called them pretty

Sorry to frighten you. These are rambutans.

Rambutans are a common fruit in Southeast Asia and you can find them all over the wet markets and grocery stores. These were given to me. I've never had the nerve to buy them.

Because they're ugly. And they scare the bejesus out of me.

I don't mean to be rude, but it's true.

They're spiky and hairy. They also smell like nothing.

I have a hard time trusting food that smells like nothing.

Opening up the fruit doesn't help with my distrust either.

It looks like an alien egg. Can't you just imagine seeing some pod person emerging from this thing in a few weeks?

Nothing about this whole situation screams "Eat me."

I was told that you must also avoid the seed in the middle. It either tastes bitter or does something bad to you. I can't remember.

I was peer pressured to try one of these demon fruits at work. Shocking, I know. Those Singaporean women are relentless. They almost held me down and shoved it down my throat.

Ok, not really. That's a lie.

But I really didn't want to try it. Then they called me a silly American girl.

That did it. I had to prove that I'm not silly.

So I ate one...and I liked it. I really didn't want to like it either.

It had the texture of a peeled grape and was even sweeter. It was quite nice. I think I ended up eating three or four.

Then the hairy outside started to freak me out again and I had to throw the rest out.

Like I said, I'm a work in progress. I need baby steps, people.

Dunkin Donuts, where's my glazed?!

Sunday afternoon, Aaron and I took a ride on the MRT down to the newest mall on Orchard Road.

This is Ion Orchard.

This is by far my favorite building in Singapore right now. At night, it has LED lights all over it. It's just so pretty. But that's not the reason we went there.

This is.
We heard a rumor that they put one of these in there and we were very excited. Perhaps a lil' too excited. We always build things up in our heads too much.

Notice the selection here.
People, there were no glazed donuts.

No. Glazed. Donuts.

That's the equivalent of finding a Coldstone Creamery and realizing that they don't make cake batter flavored ice cream. Or like going to McDonald's and having them tell you they're out of fries.

It was so anti-climatic. The donuts we did buy tasted like they were made the day before. They were stale and hard and needed the sweetness of a sugar glaze.

At least the coffee was good. It's hard to mess the awesomeness of DD's coffee.

Grandma's Gonna Be Pissed to Hear This One

The Singaporeans at work told me today (and last Wednesday and the Monday before that) that American food is extremely boring.

I stood there dumbfounded (the first time). I felt as if someone had just kicked my grandmother. Who says such things?!

All of the girls in my office have made this comment. They are all in agreement. So technically, all of them kicked my grandma. I decided to do some probing before some bitches went down.

Me: Why do you think it's boring?

Singaporean: Because every American restaurant you go to, it's the same menu lah. Always the same ting (Singlish for "thing").

Then she listed the menu items she always saw in American restaurants.

The most common offender:

I can't say they're wrong here. I'm pretty sure EVERY restaurant that isn't Italian, Mexican or Chinese in the States has a cheeseburger/hamburger on their menu.

Crap. They got me there.

So I loaded my guns and was ready to make liars out of them all.

Me: Ok fine. That's true, but at least what they do serve tastes good.

Singaporean: No lah. It's so bland. Everything just tastes like nothing.

Me: That's so not true!

I stopped right here and went through a list of American foods in my head to unload on them. This is what popped up.



Holy God. Everything is white and the main taste is salt.

I so lost this one.

After living here, I could totally see how this is boring food. The people here eat very, very spicy dishes and a lot of dishes with sweet sauces. Also, black pepper here is not a seasoning. It's a main ingredient in several sauces. They have Black Pepper Beef and Black Pepper Chicken. The sauce is black with how much black pepper they put into it. It takes a minute to realize that it's an intentional flavor and someone didn't just accidentally knock a whole pepper shaker into your food. Once you get past that, it's quite delicious. Except when you bite down on a peppercorn. That is not awesome.

Then there's the chilli pepper. It is the mother of all ingredients in Singapore cuisine. If it's not in the food, it's a condiment on the side just waiting to jump in. It's a kick in the mouth. This would kill an average American's taste buds as if they'd poured acid into their food. Most people I know can't even eat a jalapeno or a jar of spicy salsa without chasing it with at least three Dr. Peppers.

We like salt. We like cheese. If we're feeling crazy, we like ketchup AND mustard. We live on the edge....the edge of the kiddie pool.

Now I know I can't speak for all Americans. I'm making a huge generalization here.

But I don't know the rest of you. You have to fend for yourselves.


(On a side note, I know that in the US we have Cajun/Creole food, Tex-Mex, BBQ, etc. However, those are not foods that are made in every state. Therefore, every state cannot claim them as their own. I have to go with what every state can do and use single items as a representation of the entire 50 state contribution. I hope you understand.)

(Also, in the effort to not offend the girls in the office. They are not bitches. They are very sweet. They mean no harm in their hatred of American cuisine.)