Guinness is driving me crazy

and for once, it's not his fault (or so we think.)

Guinness is balding. I know the technical term is shedding, but seriously. This has reached such a shedding status of epic proportions, it needs a new name.

This is a picture of what our little swiffer thingy picks up after only two days. TWO DAYS!!!! And in only one room of the house. You can imagine what the rest of the house looks like.

This has gone on for about three weeks now. We have to sweep every two days. I'm surprised the little punk has any fur left at all.

We cannot figure what the heck is wrong with him. He's also chewing the fur off as quickly as he's scratching it off.

We ruled out several ideas: It can't be allergies because Singapore has no seasons. It can't be lead poisoning cuz he hasn't been near the lead paint in a month. It can't be mange because it only affects the lower half of his body.

So desperate times called for desperate measures.

Now the conehead is having a gay old time ramming that hard plastic helmet into the backs of our legs.

Your days are numbered you barely furry friend.

To: Santa, From: Guinness

Hi Santa.

I was just wondering when you were coming cuz I've been carrying my stocking around for a while now. There's still nothing in it.

I don't really know when Christmas is, but it seems like it should be here by now. If you wanna come early, that'd be cool. I might have accidentally chewed up all of my good toys. I think I smelled some new ones under the tree, but I'm not allowed to open those until my Mom says I can.

Also, please don't put me on the "naughty list" for sticking my tongue out at Mom when she took my stocking away.

Thanks! I'll try to leave you some treats by my dish. The ones shaped like bones are the best!

Love,

Guinness

Actually, he's part human

Look what our genius dog does now.

I think he knows...

A couple weeks ago, Aaron and I decided that it might be best to find Guinness a new home. We were exhausted from cleaning up destroyed toys, pee, poop and parts of our few pieces of furniture. He had literally chewed all of the patience out of us. Aaron and I were done-zo. We even decided that we were going to put up a flyer on the community board to find him a loving family.

Then a miracle happened. It was as if he heard us plotting. Ever since that day, he has been a near angel. Minus a chewed tag on a blanket, he's done no wrong. No accidents. No slimy toys shoved in our face. He hasn't even had an accident in his kennel which was something he did everyday for a week before we were plotting his demise. He is a very smart boy.

Look at how smart he is:

So we totally can't get rid of him now. He's been such a good buddy this week. Most of the time, he just cuddles with me on the couch. I can't give away a cuddler!

We might be friends after all.

Guinness the Menace Strikes Again

Guinness and I aren't friends right now. What he mistakenly thought was a toy, was in fact, an innocent baby gecko in search for food. Guinness crushed him with his paw and then ate him like a gummi bear.

It was a sad evening. It's not the first time it's happened. However, it was the first time I could prove that the victim was alive and well before the demon dog got a hold of him.

Guinness is showing no signs of remorse. I think someone is getting his game of fetch taken away today.

Rule number one, Guinness: We do not eat animals that first entered our house alive.

A Hello from Guinness the Menace

I guess with a face that cute, I can forgive him for his new found shoe fetish.

Ok....Fetch!

Thanks Grammy and Grandpa Heffley. I love my new toys. I already destroyed the ones that Grammy Spreer sent me. Her toys tasted really good.

Watch me fetch!

I'm already working on destroying this one.

Love,

Guinness

Updates on several things

I've been asked a few questions by several people lately so I thought I'd blog to broadcast the Spreer family status in Singapore.

Guinness: He's finally cured. We took him to the vet last Tuesday and after only a day of meds, he was back to normal. The culprit of his illness? We've narrowed it down to the fact that he may have accidentally eaten some rubber bands. Actually, we know he did. I saw them "exit" on more than one occasion. However, he's taken one dose of worming medicine and is prescribed to seven days of anti-inflammatory pills for his inflamed large intestine. He's handling it very well and his "mom" is very good at sneaking his pills into dog food.

Moving status: It seems that we may be forced into the apartment-style place even though it is not economical for two people who don't desire to have Singaporean babies. Nothing is official yet and we're still pulling for a duplex. The Navy is not being so cooperative with our hopes and dreams. Shocker.

Our stuff: It's been here since June 23rd. No one bothered to tell us it was here. Thanks Navy. However, we still don't get it until we're officially moved into family housing anyway.

What are we doing to entertain ourselves: I spend my days watching Gossip Girl even though I vowed that I would never like it. (I'm now hooked. Loves it.) We went and saw Hancock on Thursday and really want to see The Dark Night this week. Once you get past the Chinese subtitles and the talkative locals, the movies are like an escape from Singapore.

Yesterday, we had lunch with a couple from Colorado: Jeni and John. We had a great time and were so excited to hang out with people from home. We had lunch at Brewerkz (a restaurant/brewery) and walked around Clarke Quay. They were a fun couple and Jeni has already seen and done twice as much as I have in her two weeks. I really should get out more.

That's all I got for now.

My Goodness, My Guinness

This is our new puppy Guinness. We rescued him from an animal shelter here in Singapore. Someone dumped him and his sister on the side of the road and thankfully, the animal shelter picked them up before the Asians ate them (just kidding).

He's 2 1/2 months old and is a mixed breed. We're thinking he's part Chow and part Lab. The shelter didn't know for sure. We asked the guy which puppy was the calmest and the guy pointed to "Zorro". Yeah, we changed his name. Zorro sounds like a queer Spaniard with too much cologne and a slicked back hairdo.

We know he's going to be big. However, the small dogs in Singapore start at $1,000 each. So we decided to get a big one that needed a much cheaper home instead. :)

He's such a good puppy...now that he has food and chew things. The only accidents he's had so far have been due to human error. Aaron and I are working on that one. We'll be potty trained soon.

Why I Can't Understand the Singaporeans

Native Singaporeans speak a very different version of the English language. Their version is immediately derived from the British English and then they add in words from their own culture. What happens is people speak very fast and use words that make Megan panic and look at Aaron for translation. It's also called Singlish. To illustrate why this is so difficult, I've compromised a little mini dictionary of Singlish for you folks back home.

Can = yes

Ang Moh = this word actually means "Red hair", but it's grown to be a derogatory term for
"someone of caucasian descent"

Argly = ugly

Lah/Leh = this is added onto many sentences that they say. "Ok, lah." "I cannot speak English, lah." Aaron likes to say this all the time and it annoys the crap out of me.

SPG = Singapore Party Girl. This is a term that describes the Asian women on the prowl to
hook them a caucasian man by dressing like a cheap hooker and being annoyingly flirty....and slutty. I'm not being mean here. I'll take pictures of the crap they wear when they're out. (Most may be prostitutes as well.)

having here/take-away = (used in restaurants) dining in or taking food to go. They ask us this often when we go somewhere to eat. "Having here or take-away?"

kopi = coffee

jilo = zero


So that's just a few. There are so many that I can't even pick out of the mess that comes out of their mouths. I'm getting better, but I still don't feel comfortable venturing out alone. If I got lost and hailed a cab driver like the one we had last week, I'd end up on the other side of the island. Yep, that's so not happening. Innocent people might be harmed.

An Asian Safari

Monday was Presidents Day and that meant that Aaron had the day off. So we took full advantage of it and took a bus tour of Singapore. Here are the highlights of the day:

The MRT (which is like a subway) is ridiculously clean and white.

I'm a pretty awesome picture taker.

Singaporeans misspell a lot of things. (This actually really bugs me.) This sign reads "tyre" not tire. They also think that authorized is spelled "authorised". ARGH!

Aaron is my favorite fellow explorer. He's tall and can see things way before I can. It's like having a lookout.

There is a mall every five feet. I'm not even exaggerating. They're so huge that you can't help but get excited just looking at the outside. It's like when you go to the circus as a little kid. You pull up and see the tent and you just get excited because you know that magical stuff is happening inside of it.

The US Embassy is kind of scary looking.

The Singaporeans will stare at you just because you look different than an Asian, but if you're pushing a shopping cart of groceries past Kate Spade in the mall, no one even glances in your direction. Explain this to me. I don't get it.

Learning the ropes

Yesterday, Aaron and I went to the grocery store. It was interesting. Lucky for me though, I was eased into this as I have been carusing the Asian food markets back home to buy phone cards to call Aaron. So the unusual food items didn't necessarily weird me out, but they still triggered my gag reflex.

For example, Singaporeans eat black eggs called "salted eggs". These are aged eggs that have been preserved and therefore have turned black. Yes, people eat this crap. They also eat dried sardines, pig tails and everything with the head still attached. Chickens, ducks and fish are sold in hawker stalls (food courts) and grocery stores with the heads still attached even after they're cooked. It's pretty terrifying.

Thankfully, there are still a lot of American items that we recognize to buy. Everything else we can get at the NEX, it's just a long hike.



Here are pictures of the cab ride home for our shopping adventure. This cab did not allow durians to be eaten or taken inside of it. Durians are an asian fruit that smells like a rotting corpse, but apparently tastes delicious. I think these people are seriously demented to eat something that smells so awful.