Wednesday, March 26, 2008

It's weird. I'm aware.

I’m a self-proclaimed self-diagnoser. You tell me about a disease or disorder and if I don’t have it, I can tell you someone I know who does. In psychology class with Dr. Holmes (I love that egocentric jerk!), I used to assign a disorder to people I knew to help me remember the symptoms and tendencies for tests. Only, this wasn’t just for tests, I seriously thought people have these problems. I still think some of them accurately depict my original diagnosis.

Continuing on to my point…I have a germophobia that has appeared almost out of nowhere. Its not only driving Aaron insane, but now the family has noticed it too at times.

To see if I’m crazy or not, I’ve made a list of things that freak me out. I like lists. Short and to the point.

1. I cannot fathom drinking out of a carton or container. If the apparatus is designed to pour liquid into a cup, then that’s what I do. I will not and cannot drink out of the container. Yet, I can drink out of a bottle of water that someone else has drank out of. Explain that rationale.

2. That brings me to milk next. I will not drink milk if it is within two days of the expiration date. If it’s one day, the actual day or past that day…don’t even think about it. I’m not touching it. The same goes for other food items kept in the fridge. (This wasn’t the case in college. I had dressings and condiments that were well past their dead dates and I didn’t care.)

3. I almost couldn’t take communion at church. Come on people! It’s cold and flu season and you expect us all to grab out of the same containers and eat and drink stuff? I know the symbolism of the act is what’s important, but I don’t think Jesus is going to be mad at me for not wanting to upchuck my lunch for three.days. That’s what happened when my parents had the flu last week. I haven’t thrown up anything without alcohol mixed with it for years. I plan to keep it that way.

4. I can’t drink something that is more than a day old. Ya know, you buy a bottle of soda at the store and you can’t finish it. I will NOT screw the cap on and put it in the fridge for tomorrow. No sir-ee. That thing is toast. Do you know how many things can ferment in that bottle while it sits in the fridge?

5. Don’t ever ask me to clean up puke or poop. Dirty diapers from babies are ok, but no big people messes. Honestly though, I can’t even clean up actual baby puke. I’m not talking spit up here. That’s nothing. Real puke with chunks and stuff, count me out. I’m gone.

6. Drinking milk at the end of a bowl of cereal is sick. So is drinking soup. You’ve been putting a spoon that has your saliva all over it in liquid and then you’re going to drink that liquid? Why don’t you just drink your own spit? Which brings me to the mother of all gross things in this world…

7. Spit. I cannot see it. I cannot touch it. I can’t even listen to someone do it. It makes my stomach turn and triggers my gag reflex so fast that I will run far far away from you. I even get grossed out when I have to spit toothpaste out of my mouth in the morning. Spit is sick. Someone once spit in my face in high school and it was one of the most horrible experiences in my life. It was a grown man in Lenexa too. I’ve been scarred ever since.

So yeah, I’m kinda weird. I realize it and I admit it. I’m sure there’s many more things that I forgot to add to this list. Hopefully this list will dwindle down before I have kids cuz …it’s gonna suck for Aaron. :)


Cori said...

Well, I have 1,2,3,4, and 7. And if leftovers sit in the fridge more than 1 day, I won't touch them either. And, in the last couple of years I've added compulsive handwashing to the list. Every time I come from anywhere I wash my hands, among many other times. And I don't like others using my cellphone. You breathe all over them, it's gross. I have to wipe it off afterwards.

Cori said...

Almost forgot the best...the one that could get me locked up...I hate touching shopping cart handles. In the winter I love "glove season" because I leave them on in the store. (Don't worry, they're cute little black leather gloves.) I once saw a cart in the corral with an empty Imodium packet in it, and it dawned on me that whoever had that cart before had diarrhea. Yuck-o.

Megan said...

I know! In Lawrence, they had sanitizing wipes next to the cart station and I used to wipe down the whole effing thing.

Cori said...

Excuse me, did you die? Or is it now acceptable to post once a week? Oh I forgot, you had three kids this weekend. :)